Family businesses represent some of the strongest and longest-lasting companies in the world. Yet they often face one recurring question: Should the family come first, or should the business come first?
On the surface, this looks like a simple dilemma. Advisors and consultants often push families to choose one side. But as the document Family Business as Paradox explains, the truth is more nuanced. Successful family businesses don’t choose one over the other. Instead, they embrace both.
In this post, we’ll break down the paradox, explore why choosing one side only often leads to failure, and introduce a Both/AND framework that helps families in business thrive for generations.
Why “Family First” or “Business First” Alone Fails
- If you choose business only:
The company may grow in the short term, but non-involved family members often feel excluded. By the second or third generation, businesses tend to be sold off due to mistrust or disputes among shareholders - If you choose family only:
Prioritizing salaries, dividends, or family employment over business investment can erode competitiveness. Over time, the business weakens, and ironically, the family unity it was supposed to protect breaks down too
In both cases, the outcome is the same: a fractured family and a vulnerable business.
The Both/AND Framework
Instead of choosing one side, families in business must learn to embrace both family and business priorities simultaneously. This is known as the Both/AND approach.
Here’s how it works:
- Acknowledge the paradox. Accept that both sides hold value — family loyalty and business performance are not mutually exclusive
- Design creative solutions. For example, a banking family once expanded to five branches not just for market reasons, but to give each sibling autonomy while serving the community
- Balance opportunities. Family members who don’t fit into the business can still contribute through philanthropy, governance, or other meaningful roles
- Institutionalize fairness. Move beyond equality of results toward fair opportunities — rewarding competence without alienating non-involved family members
- Leverage paradox as strength. Companies like Beretta, still thriving after 14 generations, prove that paradox management — balancing prudence and audacity, tradition and innovation — is the secret to longevity
Why This Matters for Entrepreneurs and Business Families
Family businesses are not just another type of company — they are the backbone of economies worldwide. From small shops to global giants, they represent stability, community connection, and long-term vision. Yet, their greatest strength is also their greatest challenge: the constant tension between family values and business imperatives.
Too often, families feel pressured to choose. They either protect the business at all costs and risk losing family unity, or they protect family harmony and risk weakening the business. But this “either/or” mindset misses the real opportunity.
The Both/AND framework shows that family and business are not opposites to reconcile, but partners that can strengthen each other. By consciously embracing paradox, families unlock a unique competitive edge:
- Stronger continuity: Families that balance emotional bonds with financial discipline build businesses that last for generations
- Greater resilience: When tough times come, the shared commitment to both family and business values helps firms adapt faster
- Built-in innovation: Paradox creates productive tension. Just as Beretta has thrived for 14 generations by living “prudence and audacity,” enterprising families turn contradictions into new opportunities
- Inclusive legacy: Not every family member needs to be a CEO. The Both/AND approach creates meaningful roles for all — from governance to philanthropy — ensuring everyone is engaged and proud of their heritage
Ultimately, this framework matters because it shifts the perspective from choosing sides to building synergy. Family-first thinking enriches the business with loyalty and purpose; business-first thinking strengthens the family with stability and growth. Together, they form what experts call an Enterprising Family — one that doesn’t just survive the generational handover but thrives, passing on both wealth and values to the future.
Final Thoughts
The next time someone asks whether family should come before business, remember: the smartest answer is both.
The future of family business doesn’t lie in choosing sides but in embracing the tension between them. Managed wisely, paradox becomes a source of innovation, resilience, and generational success.
👉 If you’re part of a family business, ask yourself: Are we trying to choose between family and business? Or are we ready to embrace both?
Further Reading
Much of the thinking behind the Both/AND framework comes from the book Family Business as Paradox by Amy Schuman, Stacy Stutz, and John L. Ward (Palgrave Macmillan, 2010). This insightful work is part of the A Family Business Publication series and remains one of the most influential guides for understanding how family firms can thrive by embracing paradox instead of avoiding it. Reference to the book